


blue moon

by Inthesewords



Series: the long road [5]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Missing Scene, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27340783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inthesewords/pseuds/Inthesewords
Summary: “Forgive me for trying,” she says, voice shaking. “Everyone else was moving on, you’d gone off, I did what I had to. To keep going. I had to make a life for myself.”“Yeah? And where does that leave me?”(Time jump between 9.05 and 9.06; references the flashback in 9.14 “Scars.”)
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Carol Peletier
Series: the long road [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976890
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	blue moon

She visits his camp often, at first.

There’s always some excuse. She noticed he didn’t have enough cooking and serving supplies, she said (“I ain’t a restaurant”, he replied, but he appreciated the gesture). Then it was blankets, because it was going to be too cold without them. Warm socks, fruit. Cookies. Survivalist books on how to craft things like a raft out of wood and rope (“I’m not insulting your intelligence, pookie, just saw it and thought of you” she said). He doesn’t keep track of time precisely, but he starts to count it by her visits, which seem to happen monthly, if the moon is any indication. 

He looks up at the full moon tonight, which he now associates with their time together. It’s a little late for her to be traveling anyway, and he doesn’t know if he wants to see her this time or not. He’d only been back at camp himself a day since one of the most horrific experiences of his life-- and that’s saying a lot. There’s too much to process and he fears how it will color things.

The X on his back still burns.

Still, as he sits staring into the fire, he hears the faint sounds of horse’s hooves, getting louder as they approach.

Sure enough, he looks up to see her atop her horse, her silver hair glistening in the moonlight. His breath catches at the sight.

She makes quick work of the dismount as he slowly gets up off his log to meet her at the tree where she ties up the horse. 

“Watcha doin’ ridin’ out here so late?” he says, though his voice is void of chastisement. 

She looks him up and down subtly. “This wasn’t the original plan. I went to Alexandria first. Was gonna stay there for a couple days before visiting you but… change of plans.”

Daryl hangs his head and scratches at his neck.

“Ya heard, then? Michonne had the baby.”

She smiles sadly. “I know. I went there to see her-- and him-- but they wouldn’t let me in. Didn’t give me any details, just said that the community needed some ‘time to heal’. Aaron advised I come check on you, not that I wasn’t going to anyway.” She sighs and steps closer to him. “What happened?” she asks softly as she reaches up to put her hand to his shoulder.

He steps back from her immediately, grabbing his left arm with his hand, like an injured animal. Carol holds her hands up in surrender. She stares at him for a moment, concern evident on her face, before she turns back to where her pack remains on her horse. “Let me look you over. Knowing you, you left Alexandria against medical advice, and it can’t be easy to give yourself proper care out here alone.”

He doesn’t say anything, but waits for her to gather her stuff before they both walk towards the logs around the fire. He eases himself down, minding his burn, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Carol.

She gestures to his left shoulder after they settle down. “Go on then. Let me see.”

He sighs, but complies, unbuttoning the top of his shirt so that he can pull down the left sleeve to reveal the bandage that covers the arrow wound. 

Carol tsks and shakes her head, before getting to work to get supplies out to clean and dress the wound. “What happened?”

He takes his time responding as she carefully removes the bandage and starts to clean it.

“Alexandria let in a group. Led by one of ‘chonne’s old friends. Things were fine ‘til they went missing, along with Judith and the rest of the kids.”

She gasps, stilling her movements to look at him. He knew he was leaving out some crucial details, but he couldn’t wrap his mind around them yet, let alone find the words. 

“Michonne and I found ‘em, got ‘em back. But we both got hurt in the process.” 

She watches him for a moment more before silently resuming her work, putting a new clean bandage on his shoulder. “It was worse than that, though, wasn’t it?” she asks. 

He can’t meet her eyes, settling instead for staring into the fire, but he nods in response. Sees her out of the corner of his eye, still staring at him with a deep frown. Feels her scoot closer until she’s hip-to-hip with him on the log, then slowly wrap her arms around his waist. As she does so, she brushes against his left lower back, and he yelps, jumping up to stand.

She looks even more concerned than before and jumps up to meet him. He’s still looking down, but can feel the intensity of her gaze.

“Show me,” she commands calmly.

His eyes look at her through his hair before they drop again in defeat and he slowly turns around. When his back is to her, he lifts his shirt to reveal another bandage.

Carol moves forward in slow motion, as if trying not to scare him off. Cautiously, she peels off the bandage that’s there. Her hands fly up to her mouth at what she sees, before she takes a breath and ducks down a little to see it better in the firelight. “Damnit, Daryl,” she says thickly. 

He hears her walk away then rummage around in her pack. She returns and he looks over his shoulder towards her, seeing her holding a small container. She kneels down behind him and dips her fingers into it.

“Homemade balm.” She says, as she carefully starts to apply it. “It’s good for the infection.” 

Daryl’s eyes sting at the feeling of her fingers dabbing the balm onto his wound. It’s cooling against the heat of the burn, but the combination of different sensations, plus the reminder of how he got it, is overwhelming. He can’t help but start to shake. 

He doesn’t realize she’s done until he feels her hands laying gently against his back. “Come on. You should lie down.”

She guides him to his sleeping area, pressing on his shoulders until he lies down on his good side. She settles in to his right, sitting cross legged, looking down at her hands, waiting him out.

Around them, sounds of the night-- crickets, frogs-- form a soundscape for the bright moon shining through a rip in the tented tarp above.

“Was a group o’ kids,” he whispers into the darkness. 

Carol turns her head to look at him, but he looks straight ahead.

“That woman- ‘chonne’s friend- was the only adult with ‘em. Still don’t really know what happened there, but… Michonne came to find me when the whole lot of ‘em went missing with our kids. Went out the sewers.” 

He stopped, and Carol eased herself until she was lying on her back with her head turned towards him, listening intently. 

“Came across ‘em soon enough. But ‘fore I knew it, some kid got me in the shoulder. Woke up with ‘chonne and I tied up to the ceilin’. Then some kid branded us. Said ‘the strong survive ‘n thrive’.” 

She winces, and his eyes look up to catch hers. He sees them welling with tears, and feels the same in his own eyes. 

“Had ta put the sleeper on one just ta get away. By the time I got out, all these kids were just… on the ground. And I get it, I do. Kid fricken’- _sliced_ Michonne right on her stomach. Coulda killed that baby. They beat and tried ta _kill_ a pregnant woman. She did what she had ta. But Judith almost didn’t recognize her.” He swallows. “Ya think you’ve seen the worst of what this shit world has ta offer, but there’s always somethin’ worse.”

Carol maintains eye contact, quickly swiping her face to remove the tears, then turns on her side so they’re fully facing each other. 

“That’s…” she trails off, before reaching her arm out across the space between them, brushing his hair off his forehead. “That’s too much, isn’t it,” she says softly. “You found them though. Saved them. That’s what matters.” She furrows her brow. “Why didn’t you stay there, after? You’re still hurt. You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

He hears the double meaning in her words, but ignores them. “Stayed for a few days. Michonne had the baby soon after we got back-- all the stress I guess… named him Rick Jr. RJ.”

Carol’s eyes light up at that, and she can’t help but smile. “RJ. Ain’t that something.”

He nods but then looks down. “Once I knew that they were all okay, I came back here. Was just… too much.”

“I know,” she whispers into the air between them. “And I know it can feel overwhelming to be around people. You’ve been out here a long time, though.” She looks at him earnestly. “I don’t like it, you here alone.”

He chews at the inside of his mouth. “S’not forever,” he says, voice gravelly. “I’ll come back when I have something ta show for it.”

She tries to smile at that to indicate that she understands, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. 

He closes his eyes and she turns onto her back again, looking up at the sliver of moon she can see from the rip in the tent.

They are silent for a long while, both lost in their own thoughts, before Daryl’s voice breaks through again.

“I know she did what she had ta do, Michonne. Defending herself and her children against them kids. I just… keep replayin’ it over in my head. Don’t want her to hafta go through that but, if it came down to it…” he grunts, and she hears him moving himself to get more comfortable. “Ta kill a kid… don’t think I could do that. Couldn’t live with it.”

He can’t see Carol’s face anymore from the position she’s in, and she is silent for so long after his admission that he thinks she’s fallen asleep. But then he hears, in barely a whisper, “I know.” 

She turns away from him after that, resting on her other side with her back to him, and he knows the conversation is over.

It takes a while, but he eventually falls into a deep sleep. He always sleeps soundly when she’s there. 

When he wakes up early the next morning, though, she is already gone, with nothing but the tin of balm she left for him in her place.

__________________________________________________________________________

Seven full moons come and go before he hears the telltale horse hooves again.

“Hey, stranger,” she says shyly from her place above him.

He stares at her like she’s a mirage that may disappear at any moment. Tries to think of something witty to respond with, but settles for “Hey.”

She gets off the horse in relative silence, taking a minute to tie the reins to the nearest tree. Daryl stands there, silently watching her, as Dog bounds right up and jumps on her.

She laughs in surprise and leans down to scratch Dog’s head. “Well, who is this?”

“That’s Dog,” Daryl says dumbly.

Carol looks up and makes eye contact with him. “Yes, I can see that.” She straightens up and walks closer, only a foot of space remaining between them. “It’s good to see you.”

He nods, still at a loss for what to say. She gestures awkwardly with her arms and raises her eyebrows at him, as if asking for a hug. He leans in quickly, patting her back as she embraces him. She pulls away after a few seconds, sensing the tension between them.

“I know it’s been a while. Just… couldn’t get here, is all.”

He nods again, internally kicking himself for his inability to generate words. Clears his throat, then says, “You’re just in time for dinner.”

She smiles. “You’ve caught on to my evil plan.”

His mouth twitches but doesn’t match her grin. 

  
  
  
  


Daryl goes to the fire to finish preparing the food, eager to have something to do. Carol watches him for a moment, before looking around the campground. She spots a raft at the edge of the water.

“Aha! So you _did_ read that book, then? Looks good.”

He turns to see what she’s looking at, and grunts. “Yeah. Didn’t really need the book for that. Took a few months but it works well enough.”

The small talk ends as soon as it’s started. She wraps her arms around herself and shifts from foot to foot, trying not to stare as he shovels food into bowls. After a minute, he hands her a bowl, not making eye contact. She takes it and sits on the log across the fire from him.

  
  


They both start to eat their food, the sounds of chewing the only thing breaking the tension aside from the crackling of the fire.

Carol watches as Dog sits right next to Daryl, who pets him oblingingly. 

“Damn, I feel like I’ve been replaced,” she says, gesturing with her head at the two of them together.

He continues to look down at Dog, petting him as he answers. “Well, haven’t exactly seen ya in a while, so guess there was a vacancy.”

He’d meant to say it jokingly, but his tone came out accusatory. He sees from the corner of his eye that she heard it that way, too. Her chewing slows down and she swallows slowly before using her utensil to pick at the food in her bowl.

“You know, you’re not lost. The roads work in both directions.” She directs her words to her food, but her eyebrows are raised and her tone is dripping with sarcasm. “The Kingdom’s just as far from you as Hilltop, yet while I heard you trade with them regularly, I don’t recall having you come visit at ALL in the last year and a half.” 

When he looks up, she’s looking right at him. He fidgets under her gaze.

“It’s not like I’m the only person ta just need some space,” he says. “You should know, ya left before.”

And just like that, the air shifts. He can feel it get colder, and Carol’s tone drops to match it. 

“Yeah,” she sniffs. “Just like you left the prison, planning to go off with Merle without even a goodbye.”

His muscles immediately tense, and he puts the bowl down on the ground more roughly than he intended to. “ _I_ left cuz I _had_ ta. The group wouldn’t have my brother, and I couldn’t leave him.” He leans his arms on his legs and looks at her across the fire. “Thought you of all people would understand. But _I_ came right back and tried ta make it work.”

Her face morphs into clear anger in a split second. “I left because I _had_ _to_ too! There was a time that you knew that and understood it.” She tosses her bowl down to the ground and gets up. “You told me to try, and that’s what I’m doing. _You’re_ the one that’s given up.” 

She starts to turn around and walk away and he jumps up, voice rising. “Right, cuz you’re done hidin’. Might not’ve left the Kingdom but ya ain’t exactly there either, are ya?”

Carol whips around at that and narrows her eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He waves his arm up and down, gesturing at her. “Your whole act! Queen and King of fairy land, everything’s perfect. Buyin’ your own bullshit. You look ridiculous.” 

He catches his breath after he spits that out, and immediately regrets his words when he sees her expression, looking like she’s been slapped.

“Forgive me for trying _,”_ she says, voice shaking. “Everyone else was moving on, you’d gone off, I did what I had to. To keep going. I had to make a life for myself.”

“Yeah? And where does that leave me?”

She takes a deep breath and then blows it out quickly, voice icy. “Right here, on your own, clearly.” 

He takes a menacing step forward. “Then why the hell you still comin’ round?” he growls. 

She purses her lips and swallows, trying to fend off tears. “You’re right. You’re much better off alone.”

Carol turns on her heel at that, quickly going to the tree and untethering her horse before mounting it. She’s gone in what feels like 10 seconds, and Dog starts barking, chasing after her.

Daryl remains where he stands, his fingers tapping incessantly at the side of his leg before he turns around and kicks the pot holding the remains of dinner over. He stalks off towards the water, pacing back and forth a bit before leaning into the river and splashing water on his face. He sits on the raft with his head in his hands.

He regrets everything he said. Can’t remember feeling or acting like that towards her since the farm. Can’t believe he scared her off when she had just come back. 

He doesn’t know how much time has passed, but the sun that had started to go down during their dinner has officially set, the moon the only thing lighting the water before him. Suddenly, he starts hearing hooves galloping towards him again. His heart leaps at the sound, rushing to formulate an apology in his head.

But when he turns to meet the horse, Carol isn’t on it.

His heart feels like it’s stopped beating. He runs towards where the horse came from, but doesn’t see anything. 

Cursing, he quickly gathers his crossbow and jumps on his motorcycle, using the headlight to try to follow the path the horse took back.

He tries to calm his now rapidly beating heart, the pulsing in his ears and the rumble of the motorcycle going at an ungodly speed making it difficult to hear anything around him. Could only be a couple minutes before he hears Dog barking. Leans forward on the bike to see into the barely lit darkness, but finally starts to make out the scene.

A group of walkers, descending on what he can now see is Carol.

She’s laid waste to many of them, but she’s still on the ground, trying to fight off the rest, with Dog trying to distract and bite at the ones closest to her.

Daryl all but leaps off the bike and jumps into the fray, swinging his crossbow around to take out most of them in the crush, allowing her enough time to finish the ones in front of her with a knife. After a minute, there’s relative silence, the sounds of night rushing back in to greet them after the groans of walkers.

He rushes over to her where she remains on the ground. “Ya hurt? Bit?”

She shakes her head but winces. “My ankle… fuck, that was close.”

He leans down to the ground, frantically but as gently as possible pulling up her ankle to examine it in the moonlight.

“Wasn’t paying attention,” she gets out, panting heavily. “Came upon a small herd. Was too close, had to shoot my gun. Horse spooked, threw me off, my foot was still stuck in the stirrups…”

Her ankle already looks swollen, and Daryl looks like he’s about to come out of his skin as he tries to check out the rest of her for injuries.

She places her hand on his arm. “Daryl, it’s okay, I’m okay.” 

He leans back on his heels and she repositions herself so that she’s kneeling in front of him. They stare at each other for a beat before he grabs her to him and she falls forward willingly. Her shoulders shake, the events of the last few minutes catching up to her, and he cradles her head, rubbing his thumb soothingly across her hair.

“You’re okay,” he murmurs. “I thought… you’re okay.”

They remain locked in the embrace until Dog bounds over, eager to join the cuddle party, sticking his face in between them and giving Carol kisses. She laughs, taken aback by the change in mood, and Daryl starts laughing along with her. 

“Can ya walk?” he asks after a minute, getting up on one knee and putting an arm around her to help her stand. She moves up with him and tries to put weight on her foot before gasping and falling into him. 

“That’s a no,” he says. “C’mon.” He gestures his head to the bike and helps her maneuver over to it, easing onto the back of it before he climbs in on front. They ride back to camp in silence.

  
  
  
  


The silence continues when they return, Daryl helping Carol get settled under the tent, moving quickly to prop up her leg and make her as comfortable as possible.

Even after she’s all set, he keeps moving about, trying to find things to do until she reaches over and grabs his pant leg. “Daryl, please. It’s okay.”

He stops where he stands and slowly lowers himself to the ground beside her before moving onto his back. They lay side by side, staring up at the ripped tarp again.

“You should really fix that, you know,” she says, pointing up at the makeshift roof. “How does this actually protect you if it rains?”

“Shut up,” he huffs. “It’s a moon roof.”

She laughs at that and they lapse back into comfortable silence before she breaks it after a few minutes.

“You know, this is a blue moon. Extra full moon in a month.”

“I did know that, actually.”

“Well damn, can’t you ever let me win one?” 

He huffs and she chuckles in return. 

“Ya know,” he starts. “The eskimos have a story ‘bout blue moons.”

She snorts. “Of course they do, and of course you know it.” He doesn’t continue, so she hits him on the arm. “C’mon, of course I want to hear it. Lay that wisdom on me.”

He huffs again and puts his arm under his head. “They thought the sun was a woman, and the moon a man. That the moon admired the sun from afar. She noticed him one day ‘n asked why. He said he adored her but was sure if he touched her he’d die of happiness. She got him to come over, though, and they kissed, and it lit him up. E’rry day they’d kiss and he went from being dark and cold to glowing all day. Got so much that he couldn’t be a moon no more, so he told her they had to stop, at least for a little while. He went back to being dark n’ cold, but this time he was sad and blue too. So that’s why he’s blue sometimes, until he gets ta see the sun again.”

He hears her exhale beside him. Sees her out of the corner of his eye, turning her face to look at him, before moving it back to face the moon once again.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers into the darkness.

“Me too,” he replies quietly. “I missed ya.”

He can hear her smiling beside him. “Me too.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence until, once again, they fall into a deep sleep. This time, she’s there when he wakes up.

**Author's Note:**

> The eskimo story came from here: http://www.crystalwind.ca/mystical-magical/legends-fables-and-lore/folklore/magic-and-folklore-of-the-blue-moon . Funnily enough, that was the last thing I added to this story after googling “blue moon folklore”, it just happened to fit perfectly, and now I’m obsessed with this in relation to them. I had just wanted to do a time jump story where Carol visits and finds out about the incident in “Scars”, and then that made me think about how she would react to it with the whole Lizzie thing weighing on her, and then I realized that Carol would definitely shut down after that…. And then I decided they had to fight. Turns out I’m shit at action writing, which is why I stick to dialogue! But I ended up rewatching all of Season 9 in preparation, and sprinkled in some more easter eggs re: things we see on the show. Anywho, long live the angst, even though they can’t stay mad at each other!!!


End file.
